Cold Storage -- The Verdict

Going for the burger in a seafood shop can be a risky move.  But, try we must, as not all heroes wear capes. Moreover, the group was hungry that day, my friends, and most inclined to eat and enjoy.  And, we all did eat and enjoy ... the apps. The hot crab dip and the chowder were very well received. By the time … and, it took some time, for our leisurely lunch … we got to the burger, critical judgment had returned, and split our group in half.  For the detractors: “Dry. Salty. Crispy. No, this isn’t a Planter’s nuts review. Decent effort, but unremarkable in all regards. Horrible seating. Ample portions, but condiments (I.e. Ketchup) were restricted quantities for some reason.” Fans found the burger succeeds despite all Cold Storage’s meddling. A solid grilled, double patty slathered with delicious cheese. Bun was unremarkable and lost some structural integrity, but held it together just enough.” Another found the “bun was unimpressive but the cheese spectacular.” Still, there was much room for improvement with the overall experience: “for $11 I guess it’s ok not to include fries. But if I order fries as a $6 side, they should be perfect, and these were extremely salty and overfried.” Another lamented: “Everything else made me sad. The coleslaw wasnt fries, and the fries looked delicious, but malt wasn’t optional. Hotel bottle ketchup and un-Goldielock stools that made the wait seem longer. Just get the burger and ask for a low top.” Low 73; high 84; average 78.

Exhibit 96 --- Cold Storage

Copper Fox -- The Verdict

Nothing like a good, old-fashioned donnybrook. Reviews on this burger would challenge the ablest statistician. We all agreed that one is in for a sloppy time, but a wide range of views on execution. Even the lowest scorer noted: “I wanted to rank this much higher. I did. The burger itself was terrific. The creator is on to something here ….”  Another low-scorer thought there was a lack of “finesse or balance in putting this thing together,” and was pleasantly surprised that “the lower bun stayed intact given the assault of excessive sauce.” The median reviewer found it “messy but manageable,” with “flavorful beef, and good incorporation of lettuce and tomato, which I normally eschew.” The highest rater found the sauce “well worth the mess.  One of the best tasting burgers I’ve had.”  Regardless:  bring a poncho.  Low 64; high 92; average 78.

Exhibit 95 -- Copper Fox

Mini Mott -- The Verdict

On a different scale, this burger would register 3.6 roentgen:  not great, not terrible. The burger itself was fine, though at least one came overcooked. The points gained for creativity in concept had demerits in execution. Maybe even too many jalapeños and potato frizzles, and the combination itself didn't land. Said one: "I appreciated the crunch of the potato frizz, but they were limp by the end, and the overall flavor just didn’t seem right to me. At least it didn’t cost much." Nubbin fries also detracted.  Low of 70; high of 78; average 74.

Exhibit 94 -- Mini Mott

City Mouse -- The Verdict

Like the neighborhood that surrounds it, this is a gentrified experience.  But the refined, Big Mac style burger really hit the spot.  Complex flavors, including a Sriracha kick in the sauce, added complexity of flavors, but did not detract from getting the basics right as well.  "I expected the bun to fall apart after a few bites, but it held to the end. Solid fries and a bright atmosphere we a bonus."  Even the gluten free toast, requested special by one of our group, didn't disappoint either.  Low of 86; high of 93; average of 89!

Exhibit 93 -- City Mouse

Dusek’s Board & Beer -- The Verdict

Our first cheese-infused "juicy lucy". Happily, Dusek's got the right amount of infusion, and the preparation held together and/or leaked out just as it should. Five of our 6 reviewers gave good marks, finding it tasty, surprisingly handleable, balance flavors, and well cooked despite the physics challenges. The bacon jam and up-to-the-task bun helped as well. We also like the ample fries, good beer/cider list, cool vibe, and attentive service. And, they'll give you a side dish of cilantro to share with the finicky diner. Still, one of us wound up with "a dried out hollow hockey puck" with some cheese, and all reviews matter. So, as near as I can draw from the disparate experience, you have an 80% changes of having a Top 10% burger.  Low of 72; high of 93; average of 87. 

Exhibit 92 -- Dusek’s Board & Beer

The Kitchen -- The Verdict

Love, love, love:  The "hush puppy" appetizers with shrimp. There was some debate about whether a real hushpuppy can have any filling other than cornmeal, but we were too busy chewing to get to an answer. Hot and tasty, with a delightful splash of hot pepper honey on top.  

Hate, hate, hate:  Why no real ketchup? Word to our chefs: If you're going to come at the King condiment of burger town, you better kill it.  Here, the homemade variety underwhelmed; both too meagre and gross. Indeed, it was so disappointing, it colored our view of the remainder of the meal.  

The burger itself:  A mixed bag, sorry to say.  It's proponents found it a tasty Slagel smash, nice handling, cooked to order, albeit a touch on the bland side.  Fries that were "deec" and friendly, attentive service during a lunch rush.  Detractors said "meh", focusing on the blandness and the priciness.  

I think we'd all come back, but would order something else.  Low of 75; high of 85; average of 80.  

Exhibit 91 -- The Kitchen

Gibson's Italia -- The Verdict

It can happen anywhere, but a busboy accident was a stain (see what I did there?) on an otherwise lovely lunch, with delicious apps, gorgeous views, and otherwise attentive service. Following the spill, the staff was most attentive in attempting to clean up the mess, fund the dry cleaning, and restore the bonhomie to our group with a sampling of complementary deserts. In short, accidents happen and the staff did everything they could to address. Putting aside that event, there appeared to be strong support for the burger, but due to technical reasons, we were unable to finalize a review.  Perhaps an excuse to return some day.  

Exhibit 90 -- Gibson's Italia

Bad Apple -- The Verdict

In the interests of full disclosure, we note that our ratings may have been skewed by planning our outing the day after some rather raucous holiday festivities.  Notwithstanding the hangovers (which I understand, prior to the coinage of that term, were once called katzenjammers), we found the variety and preparation of these burgers as interesting and enjoyable as possible ... under the circumstances.  One of our group, a Bad Apple regular, was pleased with the consistency of the offering: "This was already one of my fave burgers in Chicago and it was again today. The beef just shines. Super flavorful, the star of the show even up against aggressive toppings like goat cheese and onion jam." Even the newbies were impressed with the "great taste" and "perfectly cooked to order," with only technical deductions for the presentation and house-made ketchup.  Low of 89, high of 90; average of 89.    

Exhibit 89 -- Bad Apple

Pacific Standard Time -- The Verdict

We haven't had a burger that scored in the 90s for a while, and 5 out of 6 of us really enjoyed this one! Wrote one: "The salt + char flavor on the patties plus the creamy “Holey Cow” cheese is a great combo."  Another: "I loved the bun, the burger, the cheese, the jam, the dijonaise and the fries. This burger simply outearned its mistakes." Another: "Two delicious patties, with a good char and juicy middle. Mild, but complementary cheese; right-sized, soft, and capable bun; and utilitarian lettuce ON THE BOTTOM keeping the juices in and the bun from sogginess." "Best new burger in a while for me, I’d definitely say. Each element is great and then they work beautifully together. Completely delicious, really scratches the burger itch perfectly. Seasoned well and I loved the bacon jam. On top of that, it’s top notch sides and service." And: "An understatedly, simple looking burger. This has more flavor than it has any right to. Great handling with pops of bacon in all the right places."  Our one detractor -- there's always one, isn't there -- found the offering uninspiring: "Sadly, my burger was uninspired and over cooked and the condiments couldn’t mask the dry icky taste. Once I removed the meat, the bun was delicious." We all agreed though that (1) the McD-style fries were fantastic; (2) they were served without nubbins; but (3) there weren't enough of them.  Perhaps that's what happens when you order 6 burgers at once.  

One more thing:  Across the room, the diners included three actors from the next Quentin Tarantino move:  Jeff Bridges as The Preacherman, John Malkovich as Ambrose Burnside, and Michael Pollard as Truman Capote. Come for the burger, stay for the star power!  

Exhibit 88 -- Pacific Standard Time